(Defying) In October 2005, when I was 19 and studying in Edinburgh, I went with friends to a remote place in rural Scotland for a birthday party. We couldn’t drive a car because the paths were too rough, but they gave us a quad bike to use instead.
On the way back, my friend, who was used to riding quad bikes, asked if I wanted to drive. I was nervous, but she told me to go slowly. There was a pothole, and she said to turn slightly into the hill, which I did. One of the back wheels slid off the track, and we fell into a big drop, eventually landing in a river. I was thrown off first.
Miraculously, the other three girls were mostly okay, except for a broken finger. I was in a lot of pain and thought I might have broken my feet. I felt like my legs were hanging in mid-air and asked my friend to take off my boots and check for injuries. She told me, “You’re not wearing any boots, and your feet are on the ground.” That’s when I realized something was really wrong.
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I had to be airlifted to a hospital in Glasgow, where doctors told me my spine was in terrible shape, like someone had smashed it with a hammer. They said I might never walk on my own again. The best I could hope for was walking with crutches, but no one knew how many steps I might be able to take.
At first, I was more focused on my recovery than on the impact of my accident on having children. My mom was getting hundreds of calls from friends and family asking things like, “Can she feel her toes? Can she move them? Do you think she’ll be able to have kids?” I was struggling with basic things like using the bathroom and just wanted people to stop asking about babies for a while.
For a long time, I avoided talking about having kids. But as I got older, I realized I still didn’t have a clear answer. So, I asked my urogynaecologist if having a baby would be possible. He said there was no reason I couldn’t conceive, but pregnancy is tough on a healthy person, and with my health issues, it would be risky to give birth.
I felt like I was carrying around the heavy news that I might not be able to have children. It’s not something you bring up on a first date. I dated some awful people—some guys thought I should be grateful for their attention, and one guy acted like dating me was a big achievement and introduced me to everyone as if he was a hero. I was really embarrassed.
I didn’t expect to find someone who would accept me and didn’t worry much about the baby issue. Then I met my now-husband, Andrew, at a wedding. Everything felt easy with him. He never made a big deal about my disability or bragged about being with me. I realized, “So this is what it’s like when you find the right person. It’s easy.”
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After six months of dating, I decided it was time to talk about having kids. I told my partner I wasn’t sure if I could have them, and even if I could, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go through the physical strain. He said we’d figure it out when the time came and that he wanted to be with me no matter what.
After we got married, I spoke with my doctor. He said I could have a baby, but it would need to be a C-section under general anesthesia. I decided to go for it. I’d always been determined, but having a baby seemed like something I would never achieve, and it hurt to think I might have lost that chance. When I woke up after the C-section, my husband was there with our baby, and I thought, “Wow, I did it, and I’m still here.”
The risks were to me, not the baby, during pregnancy and birth. I was okay with that, but many people were worried about whether the baby would be okay and how I would take care of it. They questioned if it was fair for me to have a child if I couldn’t parent like someone without a disability.
Before the birth, I was really stressed by what people were saying. I wondered if I’d be a good parent. But when my first son was born, I realized all those worries were unfounded.
People say parenting is incredibly hard and a huge change, but it is for everyone. In fact, I was better prepared than many of my friends because I’d had many big surgeries and was used to managing health issues. I knew how to handle doctors and everything needed for a baby.
I regret listening to all that negativity. Having a disability doesn’t mean you’re selfish or that you’ll harm your child. My kids understand disability and see it positively—it’s just part of their life.
What others say is more about them than about you. If someone questions how I manage the school run, I just remind them that I can drive! Their doubts reflect on them, not me. I focus on proving them wrong and showing that I can handle things just fine.
In a way, I’m fortunate that my accident happened when I was 19. Now, 18 years later at 38, I have a chance to help others in similar situations. I’m the CEO of Cool Crutches, a company I started with my mom while I was in the hospital. The crutches I was given during rehab gave me terrible blisters, so we wanted to make crutches that were comfortable, quiet, didn’t slip, and looked good. It started as a small project but became my full-time job in 2021.
My disability has shaped who I am. Without it, I wouldn’t be doing what I do today or appreciate what I have. I once thought I’d never walk again, date, have kids, or find a job. But now, I have a healthy family and my own business.
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